Sunday, June 5, 2011

New class & Friends

I know i should be studying now but i suddenly have this urge to vocalized some of my feelings. (:
Sorry if i make you puke by being mushy, i just want to be truthful to how i feel.


Being a retainee is harder than i expect. Even simple things like making new friends didn't come easy. While you will meet some who are really sincere to you, most are judgmental at first. I wouldn't say it's wrong for them to look at me differently, because I'm indeed different. I would say it's called paying the price for my own actions. I just hope that by changing and trying my best this year, people will actually see and acknowledge us.


If you are a fresh j1 reading this, i just hope that you will give the retainees around some love.


As i'm the only retainee in class, it was even harder for me to feel comfortable at the start. But after getting to know them for this past four months, i start to feel better because most of classmates are really nice to me. Though the process is difficult, i'm happy with what i've learnt and how i've grown. I learnt to be more appreciative of the slightest thing, i begin to see the ugly side of human natural, and i'm more positive towards failure. Failure is not final, i may take a longer time than any of my friends in class, but i'm determine to work hard and achieve what i want at the end of my JC life.


Felly came back to school some time ago. Though we only spent a hour with one another, i really enjoyed talking to her. Thank you dear for being so understanding and caring to me even  after you left. I may not have known you for very long, but you will be someone i will remember for life. You will never understand how touched i am by you but i hope you will always remember the me and the memories we shared together You're beautiful.


And dumb-belle, I'm really thankful that you're so sincere towards me. Thank you for not neglecting my feelings, for making me laugh, and most importantly, for accepting me. I really felt comfortable when we spend time together and i hope we'll get to know each other better as time pass. Being considerate to someone that is similar to you is usual, but being considerate to someone that is different is kindness. I'm really appreciative of your thoughtfulness and i'm sure a girl like you will be blessed in life.
Ps. I can't wait to camp with you during june, shall be our kinky time. >:)


Martina ♥
You are a really thoughtful, open-minded and hungry! I'm really glad to have met you and share so much in similar with you! (Eg our passion for books, love for toufu lady finger, durian, your frankness, openess, adam..) I really miss you when you're away and am so looking forward to our lunch date tomorrow! Hehe. Let's study and eat hard together and you know i love you babe! 
Adam♥ 
You are really easy to talk to and i like that you are truthful to your feelings and not pretentious, like you will let everyone know how your life resolve around toufu and how veggie you are. Your accepting attitude towards me is really pretty touching and i will give you a loaf of wholemeal bread(bought it from ms leong) in return. I'm sure we'll get to know each other better and i look forward to that. (:


Deborah & Jia hui:
Chinese breaks with you guys are really awesome but scary(as i discover quickchecks the last minute). LOL Thanks for always laughing with me and making school life lighter and happier for everyone. Thanks Deb for always listening to my stories and offering me helpful advices (actually not very helpful, act only) Kidding. And special thanks to Jia hui for that long message of encouragement you sent me that day! 


Wesely & Hayshimah:
Hi pony, i purposely put you with wesely. Hahahahhahahahaha. 
You are truly a funny, crazy, cheerful and horsey girl! I love talking and giggling with you (not about bra strip) and we should really go shopping together!
And just wana thank you wesley for making me happy by being the joke noooo i mean by joking with me almost everyday. You may not be a very man guy but definitely a good guy, do not be too bothered about your last relationship and I'm sure you will find a girl that love you as much as you love her one day. *croos finger JUST JOKING I really like you as a friend btw. :> Don't be too stress and trust me you can do it!




And to
Alkela (singer and my fav corny partner)
Alkela (sleeper)
Dan (the mean one that laugh at my anolds)
Zahkia (with ten kids at GE ten years later)
Mirra (Rose lol ok la, perfect legs (notice i didn't say face) LOL kidding, i love her! )
Fai (Trophy wife)
Jason (Aged)
Siti (cartoon)
Althea (the first girl that talks to me in class)
Ben (peer councilor)
Zarah (loud and happy)
and everyone else...
Thank you darlings! 




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This later part is for you, a special somone.


I don't know if you will still be reading this but i hope you do. I'm really affected by how we are no longer talking and hanging out so much. You should know i'm usually a strong girl but you know what, not this time. I'm worried about how we will changed, I'm scared to lose you. It's not true like what you think that you are not important to me or i will only think of you when i'm upset, it's reallly  not true. I do think of you every now and then, do remember how you were by my side through the years, and  how understanding you are to me always. I kept telling myself that it's all myself being too sensitive but i clearly know it's not, or at least that's how i feel. The way you text me changed, we don't spend time together anymore. I feel replaced. You asked me what did you do? Let me tell you, it's not what you did but what you don't do anymore. I know you may be busy, still adjusting to jc life and experiencing some family matters. I know life is not the best for you at the moment but that should not be the reason we are distancing apart. We used to be with each other even during the down moments of our lives. I feel that i've been replaced by someone who i don't even know.  Today, you may think that i'm not the kindest to you but what you don't know is that i care for you way more than what you think i do. I'm sorry that i'm not someone who agree or encourages everything you do like some other girls would but deep in my heart, i just want the best for you. I know i may not seem good enough to you than them, I'm sorry for making you feel bad if in any ways i did, but i really didn't do it with any intention to hurt you. I've seen one status of yours recently that you mentioned about people looking down on you, it really breaks my heart. As much, i really feel like killing the person who did that. I no longer know how to text you, i'm scared of seeing your cold replies. But i just want to tell you here, you are a guy that is better than most people around, you have the most sincere, understanding and thoughtful heart. In life, we can't get everyone to love us and some people are just arrogant , don't be affected by what they say and trust yourself that you're worthy and good enough. Many times, those who look down on others are those who lack the emotional warmth themselves, always believe in yourself my dear. You may not have done very well for your first Ca but i'm very sure you definitely will. It's not that your hard work wont be paid off, just not yet. Stay strong and hang on. And you are not ugly don't be silly!